“Why Do You Want To Be My Submissive?”

“Why do you want to be my submissive?”

I had this question posed to me, and before I answered, I told my Dom that wanted to think about it first so that I could word what I couldn’t at the time and write everything down in order to clear my head.

“Why do you want to be my submissive?”

I’ve always been interested in the BDSM/fetish scene. From about twelve years old, thanks to the internet, I found out about the fetish scene and BDSM lifestyle. I knew that sexually, I was a submissive and that I craved domination in my sexual life. Being as empathic as I am, it felt good to myself to give others pleasure; a people pleaser, one might say. However, I’ve never felt that I would be a good 24/7 submissive. I am too hard headed, too caught up in my own ways, too selfish, too argumentative… If I were to ever be a submissive, I’d be labelled as a “brat”, or a sub that essentially, acts like a bratty child. Fighting, arguing, running away, playing games, always challenging, and always pushing boundaries and limits. That’s how I was and even after meeting people in real life in the scene, I still doubted that I could be a 24/7 submissive. I hadn’t met any men or women that I wanted to submit to; not as a lifestyle. Part of that was that I didn’t want to lose my identity. Or become transformed into someone’s idea of a perfect girlfriend/submissive and lose myself in the process. So, I stuck to being a submissive in the bedroom, only.

“Why do you want to be my submissive?”

Then I met the man who’s now my Dom. I grew extremely comfortable with him, and he knew everything about me. We started off as friends, yet our relationship grew rather emotionally intimate over a matter of months. He knows my flaws and my weakness; my strengths and my desires. He hasn’t tried to change me in anyway besides, for the better, and I’m happy with that. I’m not against being told exactly how a certain situation is, especially when I’m being completely irrational. Most people take it; he stops me and says, “No, you cannot do what you’re doing and you’re going to stop it now and this is why.” He takes the time to explain to me and counsel me on why what I’m doing behaviorally or habitually is wrong. This shocks me out of my irrational rage/depression/ideas and everything gets put into perspective. Then I realize how ridiculous I’m actually being and am, usually, able to apologize and set a course of action to make sure it doesn’t occur again.

“Why do you want to be my submissive?”

I’ve only been a sub for about a week and a half. I’ve been a girlfriend for a month. Being a sub has been incredibly difficult at times because of how bratty, rebellious, testing, trying, and irrational I can be. But, in that time, I’ve realized a few things:

1)  I’m not a healthy person. I’m more self-destructive than I thought.

2)  I escape reality through whatever means possible in order not to face the challenges plaguing me.

3)  I’m a bit of a hypocrite. I want things for myself and rebel when I can’t have them.

4)  I can be quite selfish and self-involved. I’m constantly thinking about how things are affecting me as opposed to others.

5)  I let my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder act as my excuse for being as irrational and impulsive as I am.

6)  I don’t want to be the way I am, yet I don’t give two shits about myself.

7)  I am extremely into the semantics of situations which don’t matter and in which I use as a way to talk around the discussion at hand.

8)  My Dom is the first person to actually want to help me change the way I am, because he knows that it’s unhealthy and that I don’t want to be that way.

9)  I need to look into the future and figure out exactly what I want out of life: what my goals are, where I want to be in five years, and where I want to end up in the end.

10)  I’m living life in the worst possible way; I’m just existing. I’m not doing anything with my life. I’m not working toward anything besides short-term goals, and I’m not doing anything to make my life better.

“Why do you want to be my submissive?”

So, to answer the question, I’ve finally been able to put into words why I want to be his submissive; please note the “his” because I definitely don’t want to be a submissive to just anyone.

1)  Being your sub is my way of showing you that I respect you. I respect you for what you’ve done in your life, how much you’ve accomplished, what you’ve done for me, what you continue to do for me, and often, for the sheer fact that you love me knowing how fucking insane I am. Even though I’ll fight you on things and be irrational, more than anything, I respect the fuck out of you.

2)  You deserve to be happy. And I want to be the one to make you happy. In any way possible. You’ve gone through a lot in your life; more than anyone should ever have to and although you’ve emerged from it stronger, wiser, more intelligent, more insightful, and more compassionate, you’re also often not as happy as I want to see you. And whatever I can do to make it so that you are as happy as possible, I want to do for you.

3)  I trust you. I trust you not to fuck me over. I haven’t trusted anyone like I trust you, ever. And while it’s still not completely infallible trust, mostly due to my own insecurities, I know that I’ll overcome that because I trust you enough to know that you wouldn’t do anything to break my faith in you.

4)  At the risk of sounding like a cornball, you make me a better person. You want what’s best for me, always think of me when making decisions, and do your best not to hurt me. Anything I’ve changed thus far and anything we’ve talked about changing, I know, will be for the better. I don’t, as previously stated, give two shits about myself. But I give way more than two shits about you and so whenever I get discouraged or want to resort to vices, I think about you and how much effort you’ve put into getting me out of these habits and I know that you truly care about me and would be incredibly hurt if I were to put all of that effort to waste.

5)  I want to impress you. You have such high expectations and put me on such a high pedestal, and because of my desire to please you and make you proud, I want to reach that level. I want you to look at me and be proud that I’m enough for you, even if we aren’t monogamous.

6)  You make me feel far different than anyone I’ve met. I’m comfortable at your house, in your room, on your bed. I’ve never wanted to serve anyone before, and I’m actually still surprised that you’ve brought out that desire in me. But I like it and I want to experience it to it’s fullest. I’ve always been interested in, but never found anyone, that I felt the desire to submit to. Therefore, I want to take that desire and run with it… If it pleases you to let me do so.

7) You don’t want to change me. Not in anyway that I didn’t already want to change. Like myself, you’re happy when I’m happy, and like we’ve discussed before, you like the person I am. Not necessarily the irrationalities that lead to fights, nor the negative emotions you feel from me. But my actual mind and the way it works and my interests and, the overall way I am, you find appealing. Your desire to only change the negative qualities that cause issues in my life and our relationship, inspire me to do better and be better. You accept the positive and work with me to change the negative and not many people can, or are willing, to do that. Keep a person the way they are, yet help with what needs help. It’s a lot of work and sacrifice, and I’m in awe that you’re willing to put in the effort because I don’t feel worth it; I don’t feel like I deserve it. But I will take it with complete gratitude, appreciation, and admiration for you.

8) You accept me. Along with not wanting to change me, you accept that I am the way I am. You accept my crazy, insecurities, irrationalities, and complaints about miscellaneous subjects. But you don’t accept that I’ll always be that way so you work with me on these topics. But you also accept that I am who am and compromise how you are to the benefit of both us and our relationship. You accept my, sometimes not ideal, taste in music and media. You accept that I need to zone out sometimes. You accept that my mind is moving a thousand miles a minute, constantly. You accept how similar we are in certain ways, yet how different we are in others. We balance each other quite well, and you’re not afraid to learn from me.

9)  I love you. You inspire me, help me, guide me, teach me, mold me, and love me in return. You counsel me, work with me, train me, punish me, challenge me, and push me to my limits because you love me and aren’t afraid to come to me for reassurance, advice, guidance, or just a person to vent to and receive a hug from at the end.

10) I’m in love with you. And I want you to have me: Heart, body, and mind. I’m giving myself to you because I honestly, truly, without a doubt, am in love with you. And I want you to have all of me because there’s no one that makes me as comfortable, happy, accepted, and emotional as you. Asking to become your submissive is me letting my guard down and giving myself over to you with the trust and belief that you will take me, keep me, and want me, without abusing your power or taking this for granted; something I haven’t trusted anyone with in a very long time. 

“Why do you want to be my submissive?”

I want to be your submissive because I recognize that you’re a more intelligent, experienced, understanding, stable, adjusted, and knowledgable person than myself, and I have no problem showing my admiration and respect for you by sitting at your feet, kneeling in front of, or following a few steps behind you. Because, I am beneath you. And when I’ve learned what you’re willing to teach me, I’ll still sit at your feet, kneel on my knees, and follow a few steps behind, because you would have made me who I am and that’s a type of admiration, respect, and love that will never falter and always grow.

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4 responses to ““Why Do You Want To Be My Submissive?”

  1. I was trying to put in to words my reasons for wanting to become a sub and I came across this. Like Erika said “Wow”. To feel and love that deep is amazing. Haven’t found mine yet put hope to one day.

  2. Just want to say wow.. I love this.. I would love to feel and love that deeply… very well written..

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